It's been a rough three months.

If you follow me on Instagram or regularly read my blog, you will have noticed that I've barely been posting. I've been dealing with anxiety and just a lot of heavy stuff and my creativity is at less than zero. I had nothing to give in terms of content and honestly, I could barely handle the information overload of social media. 

It hasn't all been bad by any means. There have been "sunny days" and super sweet moments too. One thing that has been so amazing is the response of so many people. I can't recall ever feeling so weak and vulnerable as these past three months but people were so kind and gentle with me. Even people who don't really know me! 

See, I have historically hidden my anxiety. With a few exceptions, I could pass it off as being tired or just "not feeling good" for a day or two. But this time around, I was knocked out for weeks. I had to cancel multiple things. There was no hiding it from people. And I was a little worried about how people would take it. But they blew me away with their love and care. 

I'm doing much better these days. I'm not fully back to where I was at the beginning of July but I have things I am doing that are helping me and I'm praying that one day I will be free of anxiety. Until that day, I am trying to live more presently and take one day at a time. "Give us this day our daily bread" has taken on a new meaning as there are days I need enough strength and grace just to get through that day. 

Thanks for being here! I hope you enjoy the update and I'd love to hear what your end of summer/beginning of fall has been like so far!

Things I'm Loving

  • My shiplap wall. My brother and I literally just put this up, but I love it so much! Our neighbor gave us these pieces of shiplap and I decided they would look good on my smallest wall. It makes me smile every time I look at it!
  • Pre-ordering books. I love this because it means I'm going to be getting amazing mail this fall!! There are six books I'm expecting at this point. 
  • NET and acupuncture. These are processes that are helping me heal and I'm so thankful to live in an area with so much access to natural medicine. Things that can get to the root of the issue and solve the root cause. 
  • Homemade things. Bread, bagels, pizza dough, desserts... I love making things by hand. It's grounding and calming for me. 
  • "Day Dates". I'm finally making these a more regular habit and I notice a difference when I make time for myself and things that are life-giving to me. 

My Bookshelf

I struggled a bit with reading at the height of my anxiety struggles because I couldn't handle anything remotely suspenseful! But I hit my reading goal on Goodreads and I surpassed 2,000 books read! (Since I filled my GR with books I read as a child too, that is not just books read in the 10 years I've had GR).
  • Secondary Target by Angela Carlisle. Wow that was so good!!!! Terrifying, but good :) 
  • The Summer of You & Me by Denise Hunter. I’ve not read a lot of Denise Hunter but I associate her with light romances. This one surprised me! It’s very deep (we’ve got abandonment/trust issues, unrequited love, family tensions) plus a mystery!
  • Every Hour Until Then by Gabrielle Meyer. While I don’t think I’d say this is my favorite of the series, I am so impressed at how Meyers took a historical mystery and came up with a fictional answer that seems like it could actually be the solution!
  • Gelato At The Villa by Robin Jones Gunn. I don’t know when the last time was I read a book that so relaxed me. I tend to like mystery and suspense but I needed a light book and this was perfect.
  • Garden City by John Mark Comer. This shook me up and showed me how my thoughts and attitudes about work need some readjusting.
  • Every Home A Foundation by Phylicia Masonheimer. I read this right after Garden City and they pair together so well! Definitely shifting my thinking. 
  • The Way Back by Heidi Chiavaroli. Set in Maine and revolving around a lighthouse, you’d think that this is your next beach read. You’d be wrong. This is a rough book but the ending makes it all worth it! I love how much hope is packed into the pages of this story.

Life Update

July started out well enough. I had grand plans and I was looking forward to several fun trips! Then, on July 14th, I woke up and "fell over the edge" into the worst anxiety attack I've ever experienced. I spent two weeks eating popcorn and pretzels. It was BAD! Supplements that worked to calm my brain down the last time this happened were not working this time around. I was recommended to try NeuroEmotional Technique (NET) and it is AMAZING! Basically, it gets to the root of unprocessed emotions and then helps your body process them so that you don't have to live in that state. So that helped me get to a functional place but I still have some issues. Evenings and mornings are hard. I don't sleep well. And I've had other things set me back some with bad news or things that cause me anxiety cropping up. 

See, at the end of July, I had to deal with several big changes to my life at one time. While I've gotten much better with change, I still don't like it, and three things at once is a lot, especially when one is trying to heal from an anxiety attack. 

That's the hard stuff. (You can read more in the blog post up top.)
But I have done fun things too. My family took a day trip to Oval Beach on Lake Michigan, I got to see my cousin ride, I went to the zoo with my friend and two of her kids, I got to spend a day with two friends and their babies (also seeing their siblings at one sibling's soccer game). We've had two Barbie movie nights, I had a picnic with a friend and her little boy, we got to see an amazing fireworks show for the 4th of July, and a friend had her baby! 

There were worship nights, walks with friends, lunch and floating the Huron River with a friend, visiting a newly married friend at her new apartment, learning to make bagels, a video call with my cousin, and friends coming to the farm that we haven't seen in two years! 

My brother and I have been working to have some of our Bible study friends over and we have had one campfire night so far! I got to babysit a month-old baby (read, hold her :), I went to Depot Day with friends and their two little boys, quizzing started again and my oldest nephew and niece are doing it this year, and I started attending a prayer ministry to help with all the things going on in my life. To learn how to utilize prayer better in my struggles. And we can't forget the zoo with my friend and her two littlest kids, who are my littlest niece and nephew! The red pandas were out, the tiger was out, and the bear was out! 

I'm listing way more than I usually do and mentioning the little things to drive home the point that while these three months have been heavy, there has still been so much good. So many blessings. I can get lost in the darkness and I need the reminder that even in the dark seasons there are always still blessings. 

How were you the past three months? Do you relate to the heaviness or were you celebrating and in a good season?

New & Coming Soon

If you missed it, I got to do two sessions this September. One was the most gorgeous evening senior session at Kensington! The other was a combined one year birthday/family session and the little boy's facial expressions were cracking me up!

I found another local studio that I will be checking out but other than that, my business has kind of been set aside as I work through this season in my life. These two sessions were really good for me and I did finally go back to Brighton and take photos with my "real" camera :) Now to update the post with those new photos. 

As far as what is coming soon, I have found several things on the back end of my business that need attention. So you won't necessarily see them, but they will help overall so hopefully you will get to see the results!

Check Out The Latest With SJP

 I hope you enjoy your fall! I've already started baking the pumpkin goodies and I'm eagerly awaiting the cool weather (as we are in the a stretch of 80 degrees every day). What is a bucket list item you HAVE to do or experience every fall?