Why Is It So Hard To Give Grace To Myself?

There is a learning curve. I know this. Once you learn something, you have to go practice it to get good. It just makes sense. So it would make sense to give myself grace for the journey, but I catch myself getting frustrated. I catch myself comparing and then I am frustrated at myself for comparing. Where is grace?

It's not things anyone would notice. Maybe another photographer, but only if they had done the same learning I had done. It's little things but I know that I know better; that I learned how to do it right, so why, in the moment, did I not do what I know to do? I think it's because it's not muscle memory yet.

For those of you who are not photographers, we juggle a million things in our minds at once. We are trying to find the best light and then make the background work within that spot. We are making sure there aren't objects sticking out of heads and that clothes and hands are laying correctly. We are adjusting settings and cropping out distractions. All this while we carry on a conversation with our clients to keep the mood light and fun! I don't say this to complain. This is our job and we just do it. I tell you this to help you understand why I get frustrated with myself. See, I know what to do and all the things to look for, but sometimes, I get home and I have more editing than I should have because I forgot something. In the moment, a ball fell. The inner dialogue starts up: "you've got to remember X", "secondary lighting, Sarah", "find the light first". It's everything I've learned and know. Why don't I just do it?

Then, the comparison can creep in. I see my photographer mentors and friends and their work and I think, "see! That's what you're going for. That's what you need to do." But then I catch myself and try to speak grace. They've been shooting for YEARS longer than me. I'm sure they forgot some things when they were starting out too. Sure, I've been doing this a couple years, but in the grand scheme of photography, I'm still pretty new.

New or not, I am a professional. I always give my clients my best work and they are always thrilled! If I make a mistake, I fix it. They never know. I have to learn to give myself grace to learn. I have to remember that this is a journey and getting to where I want to be won't happen instantly, no matter how much I've learned. I have to consistently put it into practice to turn it into second nature.

I'm so grateful to all my clients who allow me to continue to grow in this craft and encourage me so much! I strive to bless you with the experience and heirloom images, but sometimes I think you all bless me more!!!