Thoughts // May-June 2020

I'm tired. Mentally. Emotionally. For many years I have tried to stay out of it because I can't affect anything on a large scale. I can't affect anything outside of my area. Plus, it's so hard to know what is true and what is false.

Right now, I cannot hide anymore. It is everywhere. And I'm tired.

I don't say much. My thoughts and opinions are just more noise. Most people don't care and the ones that do, I'd much rather talk to you in person. I don't think the Internet is the place for conversation.

I don't say much because people don't care. Most just want to talk, not hear or listen or learn. I don't say much because I don't know what to say. Things are not clear. There is not one side or another. It's all a muddle of gray.

Staying quiet on the Internet does not mean someone is not thinking or grieving. It doesn't mean we don't care. But it might mean we aren't ready to speak or are using our words in a different place.

It's hard to process things while they happen and if you can't process, you can't form thoughts well. The things I know are fragments and I can't put them together yet. I know frustration. I know how it feels to not feel heard. I feel tired.

Tired of lies.
Tired of problems being used.
Tired of evil.
Tired of speaking but not listening.
Tired of not talking about the core things.
Tired of people trying to divide.
Tired of watching my country fall further apart.
Tired of not learning from mistakes.
Tired of repeating things that don't work.

I am a business that serves the public but I am also a person. The business is inextricably linked to me. You can't have one without the other. So I am going to have people who won't work with me because of my views and beliefs. It's sad. But I can't keep things separate. I can't stay silent about what is true. If that costs me, then so be it.