Things I'd Tell Myself 10 Years Ago

The last 10 years have held A LOT for me. They were some of my most formative years and, unfortunately, not everything that was formed in me was good and positive. While I am thankful for the lessons and growth, I do wish I could have learned some of these things in a less painful way. These are 10 things I would tell myself if I could and maybe they will help you too.

1. People leaving is not a reflection on you. When people leave or don't prioritize you, it doesn't mean you are not important. You might not be important to them, but that is their loss.
   
2. Loyalty is great unless the other person doesn't want it. Don't hold onto people longer than is healthy. Fight for friendships, yes, but you need to realize when the other person is not putting anything back in and is expressing no appreciation for the effort you are contributing. At that point, you need to move on.
   
3. Boys and girls do friendships differently. You will save yourself a lot of heartache once you realize that he's not not putting effort in because he doesn't care but because he doesn't do friendships like you do.
   
4. Suffering can come even when you're doing God's will. I don't know where you got the idea that suffering and pain isn't a part of the Christian life but you missed some big parts of the Bible. Doing God's work and living in His will is not a guarantee of ease and pain-free living. But it also doesn't mean you're NOT doing His work or in His will.
   
5. Don't close yourself off. I know you are hurting. I know you feel betrayed and abandoned but you can't stuff all your emotions aside and keep moving on. You need to deal with them. Let God work in the pain and provide healing. You'll save yourself a lot of needless pain and anxiety later on in life.
   
6. Live in your current season and be grateful for it. Don't wish for what's ahead and don't keep looking backward. Do what is in front of you and live fully in the season you have.
   
7. Trust is earned but also needs to be given. Trust, once broken, is hard to give again and you don't want to give it too early but neither do you want to keep everyone at arm's length from there on out. When people show themselves to be trustworthy, trust them. Don't keep waiting for them to fail you.
   
8. Conflict can be good or at least handled well. Going along with everything all the time is not loving and it's not healthy. You need to stand up for yourself sometimes. You can pick your battles and you don't need to fight over everything, but don't let yourself be walked over.
   
9. Your personality has weakness AND strength. Recognize your natural reactions and tendencies and then learn to use them. A weakness that is recognized won't be able to control you. You can push yourself when you know where you are weak and need to become stronger but your personality is also a gift. Don't hide behind it or let it control you, but you don't need to deny it or pretend you're something that you're not.
   
10. God is with you in your pain. He has not and never will leave you. The pain will not last forever but once you're out you're not out forever either. Pain comes in seasons and sometimes the suffering lasts longer than others but you are never walking through it alone. He hears, He knows, and His grace is sufficient for you. He will provide all you need for each day in each season.
    

These are a few of the things I wish I had known and they only scratch the surface of the things I have learned. If you'd like to learn more about personality and how it can work for you, I have a post about personality tests.

I have learned a lot and I am still working through the lessons and effects of the last 10 years. There was a lot of pain but also a lot of joy. Sometimes the things that were painful turned into really good things. Sometimes good things turned to pain. The last 10 years are when I shifted from a child to an adult and in the process, a lot of innocence and naivety fell away. I can't imagine going through it all without God.

What is something you wish you could tell yourself 10 years ago?