There Is No Need For The Mommy Wars

I'm not a mother but I know about the mommy wars and it's so sad. When you boil it down, it's simply another comparison trap. I believe things can and should be different and I don't want to see us add another element to this battle.

Phylicia Masonheimer has an excellent podcast on this topic but we know the kind of things that get attacked...

• you had a hospital birth vs a home birth
• you had an unmedicated birth vs and epidural
• you breastfeed vs use formula
• you buy baby food vs making your own
• you use disposable diapers vs cloth
• you homeschool vs public or private school

And the list goes on and on. Why are we comparing ourselves? Why are we attacking another woman's choices? #communityovercompetition doesn't just apply to business. Motherhood is one of the hardest jobs there is. We need each other. We need friends and support. We need encouragement in our decisions.

Moms make the choices they believe to be best for themselves, their kids, and their families. Many do hours of research before choosing the path they are walking. Others might have been forced into a certain choice by circumstances outside of their control. Here's the thing - our choices are not our identity. Don't be offended that your friend or relative made a different choice than you did. We have so many options.

Now, we certainly believe that our option is the best option or we would not have made that choice. But when we talk about it, we can do so kindly and lovingly. If a mother who uses cloth diapers is talking to a mom who is choosing to use disposable, she can say why she made that choice but don't disparage the choice of the other woman. If people ask you why you made a certain choice, share your research and reasons but don't be dogmatic about it.

I'm bringing this up now because I'm concerned that vaccines are about to be added to the mommy wars. They are probably already there but I see it coming up in a much bigger way soon. There will be moms who choose vaccines on the regular schedule, moms who do a delayed schedule, moms who allow some and refuse others, and moms who refuse all vaccines. We all have reasons for our choices. We all feel strongly that our choice is right. But people are more important than our decisions and fighting or attacking won't get people to listen to our reasons. If you can't affirm or support another woman's decision because you feel that strongly, then love and support her.

Don't do something because everyone else does it or it's trendy. Do what is best for your family. Don't do things out of fear but know why you're doing it. If people ask why, "give your answer with gentleness and respect". Be secure knowing you made the best decision for your family and allow the woman next to you to do the same. Let's make motherhood #communityovercompetition.



Photo by Jonathan Gallegos on Unsplash