Making Friends As An Adult

Is it ever easy to make friends? Maybe for some, but even for the most outgoing person, I have to think that making friends as an adult is HARD!

As a kid, you naturally found friends in your classes or activities and most of your time was spent in those places. For the first 18 to 21 years of your life, friend potential was literally all around you and placed in your path. The opportunity was easy. That didn't mean you became friends easily with people but you didn't have to search for potential friends.

When you become an adult, things get trickier, especially these days. Many times you have moved for college or work and so you don't have the community you grew up with. With the rise of remote work and entrepreneurship (which are great things, by the way), more and more people have lost the workplace as an avenue to make friends. And let's be honest, do people really make friends at work that they do life with otherwise? I don't feel like that is true for the majority of people and if that has been your experience, you are blessed!

Adult friendships require a lot of intentionality and creativity. If you work a "9-5", even if it's remote, your day is taken up by your job and then in the evenings you have to do things like laundry and grocery shopping and maintenance. If you're married, you need to prioritize time with your spouse. If you have kids, you need to be around for them. It's hard to put friendships in there too! So what do you do?

#1 - Make Friendships A Priority
First, you have to make friendships a priority. Yes, you only have so much time in your day but what is it important to you that you fill your day with? I love a quiet evening with a book or movie as much as anyone but if that's what we do every night and then we say we have no time for friends, well... we just aren't prioritizing friendships.

#2 - Look For Opportunities
But let's say you do want to make friendships a priority. Where do you find those friends? They aren't being dropped in your lap anymore. This can be the hardest part, especially for us introverts. When I was looking for friends, I tried to reach out to other photographers (people in my line of work). I visited churches looking for other young adults who shared my faith. I did some activities in my community. One of my new friends I met because our moms are in a Bible study together and then that friend invited me to a Bible study she was invited to and that is where I found a community of like-minded young people. It's hard to know what to recommend to you when I don't know you but some things you can try would be:

• co-working spaces
• reach out to local people in your line of work
• see what activities or programs are offered in your community

#3 - Be In Each Others' Lives
Okay, so let's say you've made some friends and you are serious about making them a priority but you're a mom with three kids or your a young person working two jobs. How can you find time to be with friends.

Society has trained us to think of being with friends as going to lunch or coffee, doing a fun activity, or couples date nights. Those are fun and great to do once in a while, but finding space on the calendar for them can be a challenge and suddenly it's been months since you've seen your friends. The way to change this is to do life things together.

Let your friend come over to chat while you fold laundry. Go grocery shopping together. Help a friend with their yard or house projects. I'm especially talking to my fellow singles who have married friends. It's much easier for us to join them in their lives and responsibilities than for them to carve out two or three hours to just hang out with us.



I'll be honest and say that I'm talking to myself here. These are things I've learned as I've gotten into adulthood and most of my friends moved away for various reasons. I'm not perfect at them and it took some time and growth to get to the point where I was able to make new friends (#introvert) but as hard as it is and as long as the journey has been, it's so incredibly worth it!

What are your tips for making and nurturing friendships as an adult? What has your experience been?





Photo by Suhyeon Choi on Unsplash