Bring The Love Languages Into Daily Life

I was in a group a few weeks back that was discussing Gary Chapman's Love Languages and how to incorporate them into daily life more. You have to know your own (because not only is that how you feel loved the most but it's the way you naturally show love) and then you can learn to see what other's languages might be. But one of the discussion points was that life is so full already, how do we make time to intentionally speak these love languages to our family, friends, and even coworkers?

Let's start with a refresher/introduction. According to Dr. Chapman, there are five love languages:

• Words of Affirmation
  
• Quality Time
• Physical Touch
• Gifts
  
• Acts of Service
  

I'm sure that you have instant thoughts of what each of those might look like, but I want to propose that, in order to "make time" in our full loves to love others well, maybe we need to think outside of the box a bit.

Quality Time is one that immediately presents problems. Many families barely have time to sit down to dinner as a family, much less have one-on-one time. Or friends go weeks and months without seeing each other because there isn't room in the calendars for coffee or lunch. While one-on-one time is very valuable and we should work to make time for it, what if we thought about Quality Time differently? What if it could be mom friends going grocery shopping together? I heard of a mom who used the time waiting in the pickup line at school to read with her younger kids who were in the car with her. Or you could use driving to and from activities to ask your kids questions about their days and lives.

Another one that can run up against the time issue is Acts of Service. You need to have time to do those things for the other person. But consider that it doesn't have to be a big thing to be meaningful. A good place to start would be to ask yourself, "is there anything I can do that would bless this person I care about that I can do while I do this other thing I have to do?" Could you run some laundry in between work calls? Could you drop by a store to pick something up while you're out anyway or driving right by it?

Words of Affirmation don't have to always be spoken. You don't have to physically be standing with the person to bless them. It could be a note in their bag; a text or email during the day; a letter you mail; a sticky note on the mirror. And if you're someone who maybe isn't super comfortable speaking Words of Affirmation but it's the love language of someone you love, then writing things down can be a great way to love them how they need to be loved while also acknowledging your own struggle to love in that way.

You really do need to be present for Physical Touch. But once again, it doesn't have to be a huge inconvenience to make happen. Yes, your loved one might love a nice shoulder rub now and again, but a hug, setting your hand on theirs or on their arm, holding hands while walking from place to place, or even just squeezing their shoulder as you pass by would all be ways you could show this kind of love as you go about your day. 

I think that there can be a misconception behind the Gifts love language. Now, I'm not going to contradict Dr. Chapman at all, but I've always kind of viewed Gifts as an umbrella for all the other languages. See, while most people will think of it as literally giving the other person a tangible item, and it is that/can be that, I think that when you do any of the languages you are giving that person a gift. Also, a gift doesn't have to be extravagant. At least the way I look at it, a gift is showing that person that you have taken the time to get to know them and their likes. So maybe it's a flower, a treat, or a small gift. Maybe it is something large or extravagant. Or maybe it's a quote, a song, or a meme that you knew they would like. Any way you go about it, the underlying message is that you know that person and, in my opinion, that's what the gift love language is all about. 

All that being said, how can we incorporate gifts into a buys life? I think this one may be as simple as keeping an eye open. Can you grab them their favorite drink on your way home? If you see something they love, can you snap a photo and send it to them saying, "thought of you"? If you know the things that matter to them, just watch for places that those things show up and see how you can give it to them. With just a bit of intentionality, you can definitely incorporate gifting into daily life.

There are ways that you can meet more than one love language at a time by putting more than one together! Here are just a few pairings I thought of:

• Take a walk together and hold hands (Quality Time & Physical Touch)
• Write a nice note to go with a small gift (Words of Affirmation & Gifts)
• Do a task with them (Acts of Service & Quality Time)

This can be especially great if you can find pairings for both parties' love languages. Then each person is being filled at the same time!

If you love this idea, Dr. Chapman has taken this and expanded it into so many other areas besides just couples. He has books looking at this for children, teenagers, singles, the workplace, just for men, and then he has resources for blended families, families with special needs children, and so much more! I'm not getting anything for sharing these books with you; I simply value what they offer and want to help more people find these resources!

Do you know your love language(s)? It's kind of funny because I scored almost equally for Quality Time, Acts of Service, & Gifts, and then scored basically zero for Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. I think it's because for those last two, I only like them in very specific forms and times or from very specific people. If you've never taken the test, it doesn't take too long and will be very beneficial for you! Then let me know what you found out in the comments! I'd also love to know any ways you have found to show these love languages in every day life.