At Home In The Unknown

Anthem Lights has a song called The Unknown and there is a part of the chorus that says, "Don't you know that you're right at home in the unknown/I'm already there". It's supposed to be God talking to His child.

I certainly have not always been okay with the unknown of the future. I wouldn't even say that I'm completely okay with it now, but I am in an okay place at the moment where the future looks exciting!

When I was a kid, there was a routine to my life, even as there was flexibility. I had certain activities that occurred at a certain time on a certain day every week. I had school work that needed to get done each day. But at the same time, no two weeks were the same often. There was structure and fluidity and it just worked.

As a kid, you pretty much knew what the next year would bring. I knew that I'd move up to the next grade in Sunday School and Pioneer Clubs. I knew that after sixth grade, I'd be in confirmation. I knew that after eighth grade I was in high school. Going through school, you have a general idea of what the immediate future holds. Of course, there were plenty of surprises, some pleasant and some not, but I "knew" what the future was.

Then I graduated.

For the first time in my life, I didn't have scheduled things to do and let me tell you, that first year, I struggled a bit. In high school, I was self-sufficient with what I was told to do. I knew what I had to do and I got it done. Now, I was creating what I had to do. I chose what classes I studied for and then made the assignments and work necessary to pass. (My mom often said, "enough is enough. You're ready and you can pass this." I never felt ready so she kind of had to snap me out of it). I had to take the initiative to practice my craft and pursue my career. I thrive with defined goals and I will do whatever is expected of me. Now I had to define my own goals and expect things of myself. This was a brand new concept for me and it took time to figure out how to best do it.

I've always been good at seeing big picture; creating a vision and an end. The details to get from Point A to Point B are harder for me. If I have to create the path, I tend to freeze up and get caught up in decision paralysis. It's one thing to say, "I want to be a photographer", and another thing to know how to make that happen. (This is where learning the difference between goals and dreams has been so helpful). If it had been all up to me on my own, Sarah Jane Portrait Photography would not exist in its present form. Thankfully, no man is an island and I have amazing people in my life who have helped me figure things out.

Last year, I didn't know I'd be where I am today. I have no clue where I might be at next year. There are all kinds of possibilities. Sometimes that scares me to death and other times, it's really exciting. I like that my weeks don't look alike and that I have structure and flexibility. I love seeing the ways I am growing and changing and knowing that there is even more in store.

There are things I miss about being a kid, for sure. Mostly that I actually got to see my friends :) While there are certainly challenges with this new life I'm living and some days I want to just not deal with those challenges, there is a lot of exciting stuff to do and look forward to. I love living in this place where I can be excited for the future (at least most of the time :)!

What was your transition like from structured high school life to "adult" life?